you've had some unusual patients? You're not alone!
buddy and I are deer hunting," said the emergency cell phone call to a physician,
"and he just fell over. I think he's dead. What should I do?"
"First you need
to make certain he's dead," replied the M.D. There was silence for a bit, and then
he heard the sound of a gun shot.
you know, lots of strange things happen in doctor's offices. You may be interested
in hearing some examples that show you're not the only one to suffer such.
The bottom line
"One of my patients
memorized the tiny line at the bottom, describing the chart's source, of an acuity
chart before I came into the exam room," said University of Alabama at Birmingham's
Dr. Joe Benjamin. "When I eventually asked her to read the smallest line of print
that she could, I was momentarily astounded when she answered, 's-c-h-o-o-l-o-f-o-p-t-o-m-e-t-r-y',
since it was about one fifth the size of the 20/20 letters.
couple of strange responses came to me from Dr. John Muellerleile:
glasses are so good, I can read the ear tags on my neighbor's cows!" a pleased patient
reported to him.
surgeries?" he asked a male patient during case history. "Yes. I had a hysterectomy,"
the man replied. He of course meant he'd had a vasectomy.
The whole state?
"I was taking a
case history on a new patient who wears RGPs," reports Dr. Jack Hauler. "He said
the lenses were very uncomfortable. I asked him if they're Boston lenses. He said,
'I don't know, but it feels like the whole state of Massachusetts is in there!'"
Bob Koetting had a man cut down a tree in his parking lot. When he thanked the
man, he replied, "I chop down a tree in the tradition of George Washington. He
didn't like what the birds were doing to his car either."
A local physician,
Dr. Joel Todino, tells me of a nice-looking buxom lady who came in for examination.
She was instructed to go into one of the exam rooms, take
off her clothes and jewelry, and put on a paper gown. When he came in the room later,
he couldn't believe it was the same woman. She was flat chested, no teeth, missing
her wig, and looked entirely different than the good-looking woman who had entered
me of a story in Favorite Jokes of Mountain Folks in Booger Hollow, the book I wrote
with a friend:
Mary Ann went to the sheriff las week to tell him her husband wuz a'missin'. The
sheriff sez, 'You'll hav to give me a description uf him.'
she sez "he's little 'n skinny 'n wrinkled 'n bald 'n wears false teeth. Cum to
think uf it, most uf him wuz missin' fore he wuz!!!"
When I asked Dr.
Todino for permission to use his name when telling the story, he said it was okay
since the lady in question was now deceased. I couldn't resist telling him that
this reminded me of still another story:
lady died and appeared at the Pearly Gates to seek admission. "You're not due up
here until four years from now," said St. Peter. "You certainly
must have had a lousy physician!
RUNNINGER, OUR CONSULTING EDITOR, LIVES IN ROME,
GA. HE'S ALSO A PAST EDITOR OF OM. CONTACT HIM
Optometric Management, Issue: July 2005