SOCIAL

  THE WAY I SEE IT

SAVE SILENCE FOR AIRPLANES

IN A BATTLE OF WILLS, THE QUIET PATIENT WINS

I PERSONALLY HAVE a hard time sitting in a noiseless setting; any empty chamber devoid of words makes me shaky and uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong, I can handle sitting in a movie theater with quiet, probably by poking the person next to me at times for my own amusement. Yet, the theater isn’t completely quiet. But what about when you are with someone — or worse, a patient — who has no problem demonstrating his or her taciturnity?

ELEVATOR NORMS

As a child, I used to go into an elevator and chat with anyone and everyone breaking all sense of elevator decorum; eyes in front, don’t turn around and never, ever talk! I would strike up dialogue with waiters, people in line, strangers that just happened to be walking by when I needed an answer to a question; communicative shyness has never been a trait that could be found on any allele in my chromosomes. Yet, I do not see that same trait in my parents. Maybe I was switched at birth?

MY TEMPLE

The exam room is a place where I can feel serene; it is a chamber of dialogue. Yet, some patients don’t share that same mentality. An appointment can become a game of: “You have something to ask and frankly I don’t want to talk. So bring on the empty air and like it!”

Most often, when I walk into the exam room, I start with my salutations of “How are you?, etc…” not really caring how he or she is but hey, it’s an opener. If the patient does say “Nice to meet you” try saying “Really? Wow! Thanks.” That will throw him or her a little. You can tell right away the person you are dealing with; the gabber, the serious one, the jokester and, of course, the mute. The mute is one personality type that I just cannot handle. I find the silence frightening.

STRUGGLE OF WILLS

In an appointment devoid of conversation, I try in vain to get some form of communication, maybe a chin-wag, and I am met with … crickets. That awkward silence gets me frazzled and takes me off my game. My mind is racing with anecdotes, jokes and humorous scenarios that are often only funny to myself. I often find myself sweating, clammy and my sphincter tightens. Instead of finding ways to just focus on the task at hand — a comprehensive exam — I am instead hurling through ways to break this echo chamber, often to no avail. I succumb to the quietness like a shadow that recesses back in the night.

CONE OF SILENCE

Thus, I am forced to act as if my exam room is the same as sitting in an airplane, the singular location I employ the elevator decorum: eyes in front, don’t turn around and never, ever talk! The exam will end; a plane ride with someone who wants to be your single-serving friend can go on for what seems like an eternity. No thank you. OM

MARC BLOOMENSTEIN O.D., M.B.A., currently practices at Schwartz Laser Eye Center in Scottsdale, Ariz. He is a founding member of the Optometric Council on Refractive Technology. Email him at mbloomenstein@gmail.com, or visit tinyurl.com/OMcomment to comment on this article.